I know the indoor/outdoor cats in the neighborhood have gotten old and have allowed you to proliferate in larger than normal numbers this year, so let me give you a few survival tips.
- If you squeeze past a barrier and find yourself in an enclosed space, turn around.
- If that enclosed space has a whiff of dog pee, turn around faster.
- If you see an actual dog on a leash in that area, and you don’t die right then, consider yourself lucky and leave.
- If you see the dog again on a leash, please understand, he will not always be on a leash in the enclosed area. Leave immediately.
- If you see the dog a third time on a leash, remember, this is not a permanent state. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. LEAVE THE AREA IMMEDIATELY.
- If you’re still in the enclosed space after dinner. YOU ARE DEAD.
- Pro-tip: When the dogs come to kill you, try and angle your head toward the basenji and not the miniature pincher. You’ll have a much quicker, much less painful death. The mini-pin’s mouth just isn’t big enough to kill you in one quick blow.